poster child for birth control

So there I am at Cost Cutters. James is sitting in a waist high yellow race car, barely under the weight (and age) limit, clutching my shirt with one hand and crying. He has one eye closed and the other eye fixed on the red plastic television showing an Easter episode of the Mickey Mouse Club. Ruby is on my right hip, facing outwards. I am losing my grip on her and she has slid down so her pits are resting on my forearm. She is red faced and screaming because I won't let her climb the glass shelves filled with pretty colored bottles of shampoo and conditioner. I am bouncing to soothe her and unconsciously begin to sing the Mickey Mouse jingle. Our stylist, who has a thick vanilla scent hanging around her and little flowers painted on her toenails, begins to laugh and says she is never having kids.

My work here is done. Almost.

I tell James to suck it up or he'll be leaving with a mullet. I walk away to put Ruby down and she immediately goes back to the bottles. I spy the suckers on the counter and quickly unwrap a yellow one. Oh Ruby, I call. She stumbles over and begins to suck greedily on the banana flavored choking hazard. James is finally finished with his cut and flies out of the car, almost breaking his kneecaps, towards the Mike & Ike machine. I pay the stylist and ask her for some quarters. On my way out, I catch the eye of a gentleman waiting. He looks at me coolly and I am imagining what he is thinking of me and my 2 kids, both eating candy at 11:00 in the morning. I smile sweetly at him and say to James as we pass, "What a good boy, let's go get some ice cream!"


  1. THe ice cream thing made me laugh out loud.

  2. I too thought the iecream line was hillarious! :)


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