i couldn't make this stuff up if I tried

So, there we are in line at Cub. James wants to help load the conveyor belt but has to stand in the window of the truck part of the cart to reach. Every time he leans in to get something the cart swings away from the belt, crashing into the register station next door. I tell him he has a choice: get down himself or I get him down and he gets buckled. He gets down but looks at me and starts howling. (hello, you're FOUR now James, this isn't okay.) Ruby is strapped in the front of the cart, howling because I removed the 6 candy bars from her white knuckled fingers. She is busy hollering "HAIR MAMA, HAIR MAMA". Right. Like I am going to lean over so my hair is close enough for her to yank it because she is ticked off. Does she think I'm stoopid? (don't answer that)

I am struggling to get everything loaded so we can get out of there. He is hollering, she is hollering and the check out lady is telling me I am .14lbs short on pears to use the coupon. Listen. At this point I would have gladly paid her the $1.28 in savings if she just would have kept moving. The line behind us is getting longer and James is out of the cab of the truck again. "This is NOT working for me, James," I hiss in his direction. I am trying to be sweet and patient with this woman who is just trying to explain how she rang up my 2 different kinds of pears together so I could use the coupon. It was all I could do not to holler, "I DON'T CAAAAAARE."

I finally pay and we move away, with much difficulty. (cart got held up on bagger's calf. sorry 'bout that.) James asks if I brought any quarters so he can play the new animal catching game by the doors. I double over with laughter and tell him to get his jacket on. He cries and tells me he is very sad. I tell him not to worry right now, he'll learn of his consequences for this behavior when we get home. (I adore this line.) We head towards the door and my phone rings. I look down to see who it is and smash into the automatic doors, knocking them right off their track. not. kidding.

I turn around to see if anyone can shoot me and a guy that works there comes over and says not to worry, happens all the time. He snaps them right back into place and I melt into a puddle sobbing leave.

It is freezing cold and Ruby clings to me and whimpers as I push them out to the van. I roll my eyes and put her hat on. (kidding! Of course she had her hat on. I'm not mean to them even when I don't like them much.)

On the way home James is wondering about his consequence. He says he wants a nice consequence and thinks a hug would be a good idea. This melts my heart a little and I agree that a hug would be nice but it will have to be followed by a regular consequence. Nice try, darling.

Oh yeah, it had been my friend Jason who called wanting to tell me he saw my Dad on the front page of the paper. I called him back and we chatted for a few minutes while the van was being gassed up and the kids were watching Blue's Clues. Jason has no kids and it was such a treat to talk to someone for a few minutes about everything except what had just happened to me.

p.s. In case you're wondering: 1. I know they shouldn't have gotten to watch TV after being so naughty but I thought I deserved a quiet 5 minute phone chat and 2. James' consequence was having to separate all the socks out of 2 baskets of unfolded whites. He then sorted them into piles for each of us and I tried to teach him how to ball them up. He did really well, got sick of it and started complaining, but finished. I thought it was an excellent consequence overall and plan on using it again.

Comments

  1. Some days are you ever thinking "am I on camera? Is this a joke?" because, seriously, you couldn't really make that stuff up. I'm glad you all got home in one piece!

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  2. admiring your consequence- great idea. and this post made me feel better after losing my temper with sophie after 45 minutes of eyes-open, hair-twirling in bed. GO TO SLEEP!!! STOP TOUCHING ME!! I'm with you, Stephanie.

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  3. At least you still got to use that coupon on the pears! :)

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  4. Poor Steph! I would not have held myself together as well.

    Enjoy those pears (and the savings!)

    So, does James hire out for laundry services? :)

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  5. I need to make washing the kitchen floor a consequence.

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  6. good idea, bb. I will use that one.

    Holly, yes. He'll be in your area next month. (heehee)

    Darcy - HAHAHAHA! :)

    Ellen, I have said STOP TOUCHiNG ME more times than I can count.

    And, Sybil, totally. totally.

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