james fought the milk

and the milk won. :(

I am so sad. Ever since James got the huge hives during his skin test a couple of hours ago, I've been trying not to cry and trying to figure out why I am so sad about this? It's not like anything is changing, right? So we can't eat cheese curds as a family, big deal! I've realized this doesn't have anything to do with not being able to eat cheese curds. It has everything to do with that he's my son and good news about your child is always so encouraging and bad news is, well, sad. It's about not being to ease up on the list of potential hazards running through our heads next year, and all the years after, as my control loosens and his world expands. It's about him being able to have what the other kids have at a birthday party even though he seems totally fine with having what we brought. It's about not always having to be thinking about all food all the time. Normally if you ask me, I feel really positive about his allergies. Positive in the sense that they are all major allergens so pretty easy to spot on ingredient labels, positive that we have supportive family & friends who are willing to be extra careful around us, positive that we have access to good insurance & health care, that we have access to lots of allergen friendly food, that we can afford the extra expense of these foods in our budget. It could be a lot worse. I know that. But right now I am just sad. I am just letting myself feel sad for him, even as he is downstairs playing Lego's. Okay, now I am slightly less sad. But I still feel like crying and I will probably feel this way until I can just get a good cry over with. I want my husband. I guess I am mourning the loss of this year's chance.

And now I am fighting the urge to write all the stuff I do know, all the stuff that is encouraging to me. Maybe I will write about that tomorrow. Right now I'm just going to wallow a little bit and turn it over to God once again. xoxoxo


  1. Stephanie - please know that your friends are crying with you. You had me at the first sentence. I'm so sorry to hear that James hasn't outgrown this. He's a tough little man and handles his allergies so well. You are the best mom and have always done the best for him. It's okay to feel sad about it. As much as anyone tries not to get their hopes up, we're only human and it happens. Hugs to you

  2. yep, I'm shedding a few tears for you guys and then I am going to stop! It must be devistating, but you and James are allergy champs. I am always impressed how you have transformed receipes, found new food alternatives and really done everything you can so James has the same food experiences as other kids. He's going to kick Milks butt next round in the ring, but until then, he's living a charmed life already. It's going to be ok. Hugs.


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