goodness, I do tend to go on and on sometimes

First of all, thank you for your input & commiseration regarding my troubling day with Patrick on Friday.  I tend not to talk about any bad stuff between him and I until it's over, out of respect, but that just came out of me.  We ended up making up when he got home from work, thank goodness.  We have our own "special" way of making up for the smaller things that get us mad at each other.  He came home having done what I was mad at him for not doing, so I forgave him.  (this was an important thing, not just some little thing I wanted him to do.)  He forgave me for waking him up that morning with my own, um, how should I say this, loud verbal alarm clock.  (my bad.)  We didn't sit down and discuss any of this, just let our actions show love instead of disgust.  :)  I remember when we were first married and I wanted to talk about everything...man, that was exhausting and got me absolutely nowhere.  (if you haven't gathered, Patrick's not super chatty.)

However, when I found myself praying on Sunday morning about why my husband was being such a creep (I got mad at him again in the middle of the night on Saturday) (I think those prayers must really crack God up), He quickly reminded me that there are times when I need to specifically ask Patrick for what I need.  He doesn't just automatically know this stuff.  So on Sunday I woke him up with a loud crying alarm clock and told him that I basically feel like a mess inside and could he please just be EXTRA sweet to me for a while?  I am not walking around wanting to be treated like a princess, honestly.  But a little of that wouldn't hurt, you know?  And he listened and heard me and was very sweet and understanding.  For instance, I only had to ask him 150 times yesterday to fix the broken bolt on the swing set instead of the usual 250.  :)  heehee.  Now I know that he knows that I'm not looking for a free pass to be a rat to everyone.  Not at all.  But I do feel like I am super emotional and need a little more understanding right now.  I can't even tell you why.  I think a lot of it must be hormones with a good dose of anxiety thrown in.  I am working on this with God (finally.) as I know I don't have to go through all these feelings on my own.  He's got me.  This baby will come out when he's supposed to and the kids will be safe with good friends and it will all be good.  Amen.

(but I still might be a crying mess later and have to go to bed at 6:15.  amen.)

I honestly didn't plan on writing about all of that.  I just wanted to pop in and let you know I am still big with child.  The kids get one hour of TV this morning, which they are watching now, and then I've got some stuff planned out to keep us busy together.  Hopefully the afternoon will be spent outside.  I also REALLY want to have a good week with the both of them.  I know this means a few things for me:  Consequences must be swift and serious (no slacking on my part), The less time spent in front of the TV and computer, the better (for all of us), Have a general plan for the day, be outside, lay down while they have their TV time in the afternoon.

I really need to shut up now!  James had a fever all weekend.  Here's a shot from yesterday afternoon when they all fell asleep on the couch...so sweet.

And here is what I did when I wasn't crying, eating, peeing or sleeping:

Hooray for cute burp cloths!

You all must think I am crazy.  Were any of you this unstable before your babies were born?  I had a ton of anxiety before Ruby was born, mainly because I was so worried about "deserting" James.  He was so small (2.5) and I was totally scared he'd be scarred for life, even with any of my close friends he would have been TOTALLY HAPPY with.  My parents really came through for us.  I called my dad and asked him to come for the weekend on super short notice so he would be here until my mom could come on her scheduled day.  My Dad made that 600 mile round trip and I will never forget that.  Of course I didn't go into labor but it relieved so much of my tension knowing he was here, just in case.  Then my mom got here and we got to leave for the scheduled induction without a single worry about our boy. Thanks, parents.  xoxoxo

(OKAY.  This is weird.  James just came over and started reading all of this!!!)  (he just read that I wrote about him!)

This time I have almost no anxiety about James & Ruby.  They will go one of three places, depending on time of day, and I know they will be happy to go to any of them...and they will be together.  And then next Friday my mom will be here again, and if our second son hasn't arrived, she will once again wave goodbye to us as we head off to be induced. 

I MUST STOP TALKING NOW.
XOXO.

Comments

  1. You are so normal!!! I feel the same way, husbands just don't realize how much you need to feel appreciated while you are brewing their child. My biggest worry about labor and delivery is what we are going to do with Kaylee, it freaks me out and makes me so sad thinking she will feel like we deserted her. I also worry that she will think she wasn't enough for us so we had to have another baby, I know stupid! I just realized my first baby was Dec. and my second May just like you :) 2.5 years also.
    Hang in there, you have a light at the end of the tunnel....he's almost here :)
    Good Luck!!!!
    Love,
    Melissa

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  2. Boy do I know the anxiety you are feeling!! I was a MESS before Bean, remember? My mom had a stroke and she was supposed to watch the kids while I was in labor? It was awful. I criend when I went into labor because my mind was racing and nothing felt like it was the way it was supposed to be. Ty caught the brunt of that stress, let me tell ya! Just take some deep breaths, it's going to be perfect . . . really.
    heidi

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  3. It's not stupid, Melissa. Trust me. :) I felt exactly the same way. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. Do you ever shake your head that this is you and me NOW compared to you and me 14 years ago?? xoxo

    Heidi, I totally remember that with your mom. That was so awful and stressful for you. :( Thank you, too. However it turns out will be perfect, right? Because it all will mean he's finally here.

    I just want to hold him. :) xo

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  4. I was a Train Wreck before Maddox was born. So uncomfortable, in pain, miserable, freaking out about Mason. I was dilated to a 6 for 5 days. It was awful. I'm praying for you. Can't wait to hear about him arriving!

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  5. have that baby already so we can get together and do baby stuff!! I miss having friends with babies. I had a close friend with babies almost the same age as the girls but now I know no one with little ones!!! Poor Luna just has her big stinky brother to hang out with and her two crabby sisters to laugh at (she hoots when they are screaming at each other... not her most endearing trait...).

    You will do fine. And, yes I was that crazy before the last two were born (too long with the first two) and I have gotten even crazier...

    xxoo N

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  6. Yay for baby stuff, Naomi! :) I would love to see you and your two little ones.

    Jolee - 6cm for 5 days. OH MY GOSH. You poor, poor thing. How did you manage???

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  7. Oh my 14 YEARS ago!!! WOW... we never would have had time for children back then we were way too busy driving around in that fast careless car of yours that I loved so much with the windows down so Patrick wouldn't know I was smoking in there heehee...seems like a lifetime ago!! After these babies get here lets have wine together!
    Big hugs to you!

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