I think I am finally accepting that this is a huge transition for us, this adding of a family member.
It's not so much Nicholas as he is such a little muck ball of baby-goodness. Rather, it's the time he takes, time of mine that I used to have for my other kids, my husband and myself. Would I prefer not to have him? Heck no. Am I finally easing up on my expectations of myself? Maybe a little.
This is what I need to remind myself:
It's hard to have a baby who sleeps a lot (no, let me finish...), it's hard because then you might feel pretty good a lot of the time and people will start expecting you to feel that way all the time and then it will suddenly hit you...the sheer volume of stuff you take care of every day. The middle of the night waking from him or other kids or the heat or the snoring husband. The energy it takes to care for the baby along with the energy it takes to parent well along with the energy it takes to enjoy the bigger children. And then there are the rest of the responsibilities that a woman has: groceries, dishes, laundry, appointments, bills, meals and all of that. I'm not saying I don't have any help I'm just saying that even with the help, it's a lot.
So, if I feel tired or sick of the heat or the kids or of thinking of stuff to do a few times a week, that is okay. I will feel better later and we will manage.
If I slack off on the parenting and my kids are little rats and people think they are little rats, that is okay. I'll get back to that. They are good kids, are (relatively) clean and well fed and I know they are happy.
If my kids are little rats even when I'm doing what I should be, that is okay too. They are also going through a big transition AND are just kids...and kids are little rats sometimes.
If I will poke my eyes out sitting through another 3 weeks of swimming lessons, well, he can take them again next year.
And now I am out of time and steam. :) I am hard on myself and now is the time to ease up a little. I am so happy with the blessings we have been given and that is what is important. Like my dear auntie Kristy said, they are not going to remember so many individual days of their childhood, they are going to remember overall how it felt to them.
I think that overall we are doing pretty darn good.