weight: lifted

I was in such a bad mood yesterday afternoon.  It surprised me as we had a pretty good day.  Nicholas and I went to the thrift store yesterday morning and found some fun stuff.  We all had a nice lunch after school and went baby went down for his nap, Ruby and I had a good time drawing together.  And then, BAM, the bad mood struck.

Maybe it was Patrick calling and saying his car was having big time trouble after we had just had the van in and out of the shop on Monday for a pricey repair?  Maybe I was worried because we also just committed to adding a fence around our back patio and it isn't cheap?  Maybe it was the weather?  Maybe it was Nicholas screeching at me all day?  (He goes in and out of screechy phases and he is IN one.  sigh.  they are hard.  I am always so amazed at his good nature after they pass.)  Maybe it's not having had a full night of sleep in over a year?  (a good night, when he wakes up only once, is still not a full night.)

It might have been partially due to all of that.  But when I laid down in bed and started to talk with Patrick, the only thing that came out was that I am bored and I feel so guilty about that.

I felt this way at the end of winter and thought it was mainly due to the weather.  I still think that is playing a big part because after nearly 2 weeks of cold and crappy weather, it's back. 

In my head I think that next year will be better.  Ruby will be at kindergarten and Nicholas is the only child that will remain home with me all day.  He will still be pretty young and have a very different set of needs than an older child.  I won't have the 11:30 and 3:30 deadlines breaking up my every day and can just work around one afternoon nap.  That all sounds like a vacation to me. 

I think every person out there gets bored with their job once in a while and I suppose I am no different.  It just makes me feel so bad because my job is my kids and how horrible does it sound to say I am bored here with them?  Probably pretty horrible but it's true.

I still think that I will feel better (um, today) when we can be outside and back to doing all the outdoor stuff that we love.  We will have to see.  Patrick was so sweet to me and was totally open to some of the ideas I came up with in case this doesn't go away. 

As soon as I told him what I was really feeling I felt so much better.  I was so afraid of him thinking I was ungrateful for this chance to be home with our kids.  I have been nothing but grateful for the last 7.5 years and he knows that.  I explained that it's not specifically being with any of the children...it's just being HERE all day.  Which is also odd because I love being home and doing stuff around my house.  It all just feels slightly uncomfortable sometimes, like I am wearing a scratchy sweater.

I know someone (MOM) will wonder if I am depressed and I really don't think so.  I don't feel sad or particularly irritable.  I feel bored.  I didn't feel bored 2 weeks ago when it was sunny and nice out.  I did feel bored at the end of February when it was still gloomy and cold.  I woke up in a good mood today, happy to see the sun.  I didn't take my vitamin D all winter and wonder if that was a big mistake.

I have a feeling that this will all pass as we move into summer and I could have saved myself some typing time by keeping it to myself.  I guess I am only sharing because it felt so good to me to say it out loud and to have Patrick hear me.  Maybe someone else has felt this way at some point?  Maybe it's normal.  :)

My house is waking up now so I need to go.

Enjoy your Friday!

xoxo

Comments

  1. I have long said you are a Saint for all you do and you do it so well. I am only a stay at home Mom one day a week and by the end of that day I am bored, want to pull my hair out, my two kids have driven my crazy and I can't wait to go back to work the next day, I love my kids more than life, and I love them enough to know I have to work outside our home for all of our sanity. Don't beat yourself up for not always feeling content. Unfortunately, you are normal :)

    If you didn't have periods when you were bored, frustrated, etc. I would worry that you were a complete freak :)

    Summer should help and if not you will explore other options for this wonderful journey you are on.

    You are a TERRIFIC Mom!!!!

    Love,
    Melissa
    PS. Patrick is awesome too.

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  2. Um, YES! I would have to say most, if not all, stay-at-home moms feel that way at least once in a while. So don't worry that you're doing anything wrong! Plus, man, this is a hard time of year. We are so ready for warm weather and to get OUT of the house.
    Is there anything fun you can do for yourself to mix it up? Like take a class or learn a new hobby (like you have time for such things, I know!). That might be fun if you can fit it in.
    Because I am sadistic I am signing up for a 6:30 am yoga class twice a week for the next four weeks. I will probably never complain of boredom again! lol

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  3. OK if there is a stay at home mom/dad that does not feel that way sometimes then they are NUTS!!!!! (I mean REALLY CRAZY) What you are feeling is normal (at least I hope it is as I feel it also.)

    Soon the sun will come out and STAY OUT!!! (hint mother nature HINT) and everything will be better.

    You are a great mom do not forget it. And a great friend!

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  4. Oh sweetheart.......maybe you're depressed.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...just had to say that :).
    By the way, you and your sister and brother bored the hell out of me somtetimes when you were all little..........so don't be so hard on yourself. :) It's just your brain reminding you that you could use a little something new and different to think about....the good thing is, I know you, and you will come up with something new to pique your interest.....you always do. I love you honey....glad you feel better today. Bet you loved my phone call last night then, hmmmm? :) mama mowanza

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  5. Ditto what everyone else said. What stay at home parent doesn't have times feeling like this? And yes, the weather plays a role, in my opinion. this has been one of the worst springs and I am going stir crazy and tired of hanging out at home with the kids and want to get out of here. desperately.
    There are definitely days when I wonder if I should go back to work part time. and I love being at home too.
    So, I am pretty sure you are normal, or maybe we are all nuts, but we can be nuts together ;)
    miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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